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I’m going to begin by saying – I’m exhausted. I don’t mean tired, weary, nappish nor wan. I’m not just wiped out or worn…
… I. Am. Exhausted.
14 hours on my feet, 13 of it helping customers (some great, some assholes) and cleaning a filthy store… my first time at that location the company I work for… *sigh*
Every pore, every fiber, each bone and bit of sinew is screaming at me “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO US WOMAN”?
The answer? I’ve fought back. I’m fighting back. And it’s a bitch.
Keeping all of that in mind, here I sit… plucking away at the keys. Why? I have to. It’s that simple. I made a deal with myself. A PROMISE to myself that writing was going to happen no matter what. Yes, I miss a day here or then… the hours slip away, melding into shifts vs cycles of the sun.
I, for the life of me, can not compose poetry at the moment – and none of my prompts are working for me – my brain is so fogged up a San Franciscan would think twice before wandering out to a community garden – you know, were my brain a place others could wander about…
Hence the good old timed free-writing trick. How do you like it so far? I hesitate to even go back and read what I’ve written lest it all be “blah blah blah purple monkey blah blah blah Ginger… man I love Gary Larson blah blah blah 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30 and 22 cents, there you go hon, can I get you anything else”?
In the end it will be worth it… fighting through the sick and the pain (sweet mother of all pearls do I hurt)… I will work this shit job – or in tonight’s case, piss job, as one drunk patron (who came in that way, btw and was playing the machines and mostly behaving so I couldn’t 86 him) was apparently confused about how bathrooms worked and pissed pretty much everywhere but inside the toilet. …where was I… oh … I will work this job and do the best job I can… and I will work toward becoming a job developer with my awesome job coach and voc-rehab supporter…and I will write… write… write – and I will succeed in meeting my goals… no matter how long it takes.
Also, thank god for heating pads, meds and legal medical marijuana … for all being available to me and finally starting to kick in. I still hurt like a mother…well, you know… but I don’t care quite and much… and… ohhhh… yeah… I think I’m even starting to un-tense.
Ahhhh….. and we are all… dear readers… saved by the chiming of the timer. If you got this far reading this nonsense… I’m impressed and thankful. Hope you have an awesome day… or night… or shift… …. Life. Yes, that’s the one. Hope you have an awesome life. Cheers.